Frank Speaks
by got2BaBabeFan
Summary: Listen up, Frank Plum has something to say and he doesn't hold back on anyone. Morelli warning as usual.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I'm just borrowing them and unfortunately I'll return them when I'm done.

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Hi, I'm Frank Plum and I got something to say. Everyone thinks I have nothing to say or maybe you think I got nothing upstairs. I have opinions but I don't always express them. So let me update you on the doings here in Trenton. Stephanie has finally dumped that scumbag Morelli. I know he's a good cop but I don't like the way he treats my little girl. Let's forget the fact he fingered her when she was six and that he took her virginity on the floor of a bakery when she was sixteen then wrote about it on walls all over the Burg. As if I could forget that! I know many of you think he loves her and he's a good guy, but would a good guy who loves her yell at her and tell her she can't do her job? Would he demand that she give up her friends for him? Would he scream at her in front of people and destroy her self-esteem? But what was I thinking, it's not him, it's the fact he's Italian. What a load of horse manure, I'm Italian and I don't act like that.

My little girl has a good man in her corner this time. Not like that piece of garbage she was married to, who cares if he was a lawyer. She started dating Ranger a month ago. He's a good man. An Army Ranger, an officer. The man came over one day and told me he intended to marry Stephanie as soon as he could get her to agree. He knew she needed time and asked my permission. We talked about cars, he likes German and I like American. However, I've changed my mind on that so I could've been wrong thinking Italians are superior. I mean he's a better man than Morelli.

I pulled into the driveway with my new blue VW CC. It's a nice car and after the problems with my last Buick I'm never going back to those. I walk in the back door and I hear my wife on the phone with Morelli. She finally must've talked Stephanie into coming for dinner. I wonder if Ranger is working tonight. Steph been spending a lot of time with him and making excuses to not come to dinner. I walk into the living room and Edna is sitting there on the couch with a mischievous grin. She's up to something I can always tell. She pulls a lot of stunts to get Helen going and take attention off Steph. "What are you up to Edna?"

"Helen invited that Joe Morelli over for dinner because Stephanie's coming. She's bringing Ranger with her. I can't wait for the fireworks; I'm getting my fingers ready for Morelli's delicious butt. That Ranger's is better however I'm going to leave him alone because he needs to be in prime condition for my beautiful grandbaby" she replied.

"Ranger's coming over? Does Helen know" I ask.

"I don't think it matters to her. All she wants is for Stephanie to marry Morelli and have babies. I don't understand what's so great about him other than he's Burg and feels the same way about Stephanie's job as Helen does" she replied.

I sat down in my chair and watched ESPN to avoid the thinking about dinner. I heard the doorbell ring and it was Morelli. Edna let him in and I saw him jump. I had to use all my training to keep from busting out in laughter. He sat on the couch "Mr. Plum I'd like to talk to you about Stephanie."

I turned and glared at him. He began to stutter. "Can it. I'm watching ESPN" I say as Helen and Edna walk out to the porch and I hear a high performance engine pull up. The show's about to begin.

Helen comes in with the door banging. Her lips are tight and she goes into the kitchen. Morelli sits there looking angry. Edna comes in with a grin followed by Stephanie and Ranger. Smart girl standing between her grandmother and her man. My little girl walks over to give her old man a hug when I hear the door open and chatter from my other daughter.

Stephanie whispers in my ear "Hi Daddy. Looks like a full house tonight."

Ranger walks over and shakes my hand. "Hello Sir."

"Hi Baby Girl, Hi Ranger. Glad you could make it" I say as Val and Albert make their way in. Val kisses me on the cheek "Hi Daddy."

"Hi Val, where are the girls" I ask.

Albert stutters "Th…there at my m…m… mother's for the night."

Helen calls "Dinner's ready. Come to the table before the roast dries out."

We made our way into the dining room Ranger next to me with Stephanie next to him and Edna next to her. On the other side Morelli, Val and Albert next to me. Wonderful, hopefully he'll only spill something and not start a fire. Helen brings out the roast while we are dishing up the salad, potatoes with gravy and broccoli. No one eats the broccoli or salad other than Ranger. Helen really should only make it when he comes for dinner because it always goes in the trash. Helen sits with pursed lips. She looks like a duck. With her face pinched she looks nothing like the beautiful woman I married.

"Stephanie" Helen begins "when are you going to get serious about your life?"

"Mom, I am serious about my life, just because it's different than what you think it should be doesn't mean it's wrong" Stephanie says.

"Stephanie, you should start planning your wedding to Joseph" Helen continues.

"Yeah, Cupcake" Joe begins.

"Enough" I loudly say.

"Frank, don't be rude" Helen retorts.

"No Helen, you stop being rude to our daughter. You care more for an unwanted guest than you do for your own daughter. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of it and I think Stephanie is as well. Get off your high horse and start telling people to jump off a bridge when they call to spread more gossip about our daughter. She's an adult and entitled to live her life the way she wants to. Besides by the time the gossip gets to you it's so twisted it doesn't even resemble what actually happened." She looked dumbfounded.

Morelli's smile fell when I started speaking "And you Morelli. Are you so desperate for a woman that you continue to pursue someone who doesn't want you and who is with another man? For years you've been trying to get my daughter to marry you, have your children and quit the job she loves. If she hasn't done it by now she isn't going to. Find another woman to carry the next generation of Morelli devil spawn." He just sat there wide eyed with his jaw hanging open. God he looked stupid.

"While I'm speaking my mind, Valarie" I continued "cut out the baby talk to your husband. You are two grown adults, speak like the intelligent woman you are. When you talk all that 'snuggly ugums' crap you sound like an idiot. You don't even speak that way to Lisa or Janie."

I turned to Albert "Grow a back bone Kloughn. How can you be a successful lawyer if you can't even speak to us? You sweat, stutter, fart and faint. You'll get chewed up in court. You have to have some brains to be a lawyer. Maybe you should look at research or work as a paralegal. You won't last in a courtroom." Albert was sweating profusely.

I wasn't done yet "Edna" she poked her head around Stephanie "I know you think you're helping Stephanie but you aren't. Helen blames her for all your crazy stunts. I don't care if you want to live a little but tone it down some. And ask the doctor about your hormone replacement dosage, I think it needs to be lowered. You're worse than a horny teenager."

"Up yours sonny boy, I'm going to get me a honey and get some" Edna cackled."

I turned to Stephanie "Little girl you need to stand up to your mother. She'll never respect your choices unless you do. It's not being disrespectful to have a differing opinion. Helen never had a problem disagreeing with her parents but she jumps all over you when you think differently. I'm proud of you for doing a tough job and choosing to live your life the way you want to."

"Thanks Daddy" she says with tears in her eyes.

I turn to the muscular Cuban next to me who is smirking. "You have a problem Lieutenant Colonel?"

"No Sir, Colonel Sir" he replied with the smirk growing.

"I still out rank you for a few days soldier. You need to step up and tell my daughter how you feel. And bring her to the promotion ceremony so we can travel together."

Helen stuttered "Lieutenant Colonel? Joseph you said he was thug and would get Stephanie killed."

Morelli looked like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar "Well… I may have stretched the truth a little."

"A little? He's an Army officer, how could you be so deceptive. What else have you lied about" Helen shrieked.

I saw Morelli check his phone before saying "I have to go meet an informant." He high tailed it out of there but not before Edna pinched his butt. "Ow" he howled on his way out. Everyone at the table laughed.

"Ranger I'm sorry for my rudeness" Helen said. He nodded to her like it wasn't no big deal and we continued eating dinner. "Ranger, will your parents be attending the ceremony? We could turn the occasion into a wedding as well."

I just shook my head, some things never change. Hopefully some things around our dinner conversation will.


End file.
